As I sit here with rain at my back, the steady downfall of flowers and trees getting soaked, only to know that next week the green is going to be so bright, more flowers are going to pop open and spring has sprung with pollen in the air and warmth on the horizon, I feel content and full. Who knew it would be a week of a steady downpour that would get me out of my dreary mood.
An emotional downpour that has now been washed away by the shower of God's peace, His reminders and his constant shouting at me to REMEMBER who is in control. This rainy week has brought upon me reminders of how great He is.
I started off this month, with a list and a plan, a rush to get things ready because April is almost here and deadlines and goals just bring satisfaction to me. I started off with a high of checking things off, big accomplishment being achieved....then it happened, plans didn't go through, a week of unchecked items occurred and I literally fell. Watching myself the whole time in the back of my mind, thinking this is not a big deal, these are only things but my emotions couldn't handle it. No sand for the sand box caused a break down of tears, walls not being patched stirred up anxiety, and little things that were out of my control robbed me of my joy. I began to have fears and doubts, especially about baby J's arrival, hoping that he wouldn't come early, fears of the birth, of after he was here came to my mind, things I had already given over to God came swirling into my heart, overtaking me. I had become my worst enemy.
I literally threw the list aside last week, grabbed my camera, a pair of boots, loaded everyone up and off we went to steal some flowers from an abandoned homestead that had burned down years ago. We picked until we our arms were full, played and walked and even through the fog of my own negativism, all my doubts and worries, I felt relief...
my girls love to plant, pick and arrange flowers Julia started cutting my roses last summer, filling vases all on her own, whenever we would buy fresh flowers for our home, she always jumped in ready to help. Now Jillian can't get enough of it either.