Thursday, January 26, 2012

Wake up Call

Since August, 4:00 rolls around every morning and my body immediatly wakes up, ready to start the day, eyes refusing to close, body forcing me to get up and my brain reminding me over and over again that it is to early and still too dark to leave the warmth of my bed. Over those past few months I realized that such an early wake-up call, yes nice and peaceful, was eye-drooping, brain not functioning at night. Thus forcing me to train myself to lay there for an hour longer just so I could handle my many tasks at night.
Everything was going beautifully for awhile, an hour and a half to myself before the other early risers awakened. To do what I choose even if it was nothing at all, to prepare for the day, to look cheerful and awake when children started to rise. I began to think, "what have I been doing all these years."
Then it happened....the tides turned, the wind shifted, my kids adjusted (well two of them), they found me out, thought I was lonely and for the past month they have joined me in my early morning ritual. Jillian has stepped into my room before my feet hit the floor some mornings, rubbing her eyes, hugging me tight and I think, "how can I get mad at that." Jett who hears Jillian's voice and is struck with love and admiration, a want to be with her always, immediately pops up out of bed yelling Jell-a, while I stand there knowing the last few peaceful months are over and my kids have filled another spot in the busy time slot of life.
I will say it has been nice, little kid talks in the morning, big kid talks at night and reassuring that everyone is getting the attention they need from a mom with enough time in the day to do it.

One of my worries in life, being a soon to be mom to six, will my kids get that attention they each need, will I see their cry for help, will I praise them enough, is it possible for me to be "that mom" to each of them?
Meet Max

I always know the answer, I am always reassured but I am frustrated when those doubts enter my head. It always feels like one step back when I am trying to go two steps forward in my own growth.
Stepping outside the past two days, with mud and water, puddles and dripping branches hasn't put much of a damper on my children. They have always stayed close by, not more then a call from the deck to send them running or at least answering back to let me know where they are at.
Thursday, they went missing, three kids out on an adventure farther then they realized... with three dogs, a cat (that ended up getting lost, who came back this morning, after we searched for him for hours) and one of them ( my sweet Julia) ended up crying because she knew she was too far away. My boys are still in denial, "we were fine, we knew where we were at, we just wanted to see a little more, mom you would have loved it."

Having older brothers is sure to get you some great advantages but also some crazy adventures. My heart still beats a little crazy knowing they went to far and it didn't scare the majority of them because they really loved it. They are venturing, relying just a little more on we have taught them each day, not always needing our reassurance and guidance constantly. I am realizing I have to let them flap their wings in the breeze at times, they are so good with each other, filling each others weaknesses and making each other stronger.
Sunny weather, an outing out with daddy are filling our weekend. I am beginning to love the times when there are no major plans just moments to fill with what our heart desires. These seem to capture my memories, what I recall when looking back at our life.

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