I read Jett's birth story tonight, looked at pictures of that day and I remembered the preparing, the rush, and the beautiful birth and afterwards the overwhelming love and joy, leading up until today with days and nights of nourishment and bonding but my thoughts keep going back farther to a place I haven't been able to see until now.
A time where I had two boys and two girls, 22 months ago, before I knew that Jett was to be, before he was in my body, a time when only God knew him and what he would be to us. I have searched my heart on how I felt, oh yes...I will admit, I love having children and I have never said "in my heart," I think I am through but as I am looking back, I was content with what I had, I knew I was blessed beyond for the healthy, full, and vibrant children I had...a balance of boys and girls, equally paired. My cup was full, my blessing box was filled to capacity, my puzzle was complete and at times I really didn't see how God was going to be able to make my quiver any bigger because it was bursting at the seams with my four arrows.
Then a doctors appointment and a pregnancy test later...and my mind stopped, I was overjoyed, excited, planning the arrival of this 5th child and yes I felt blessed but I never went beyond how blessed I truley am. How undeserving I am to call these 5 mine, to be able to raise them, entrusted by God to train them into one of his children but selfishly to enjoy and love them for the beautiful people they are. It overwhelms me at times because I am amazed at these perfect gifts God has given me.
Now as I am looking at my life, I see that my box is overflowing, my cup is spilling out, more room was made in my puzzle and God made my quiver bigger. I will never limit God's blessings again, never say He can't do more, and always be open and thankful to what he wants to give me.
Jett Amos, he has changed us and molded to us becoming an Oliver with each step he takes. He loves the chaos of his busy siblings, prefers one to the other during certain activities and never enjoys being alone or a door shut on him. His contagious laughter makes our dull moments brighter, his shy headtucking hello is endearing, and his orange hair and brown eyes a magnet to anyone around him.
As I reflect back on this day he turned one, while he is sleeping off his cake and icing in a basket at my feet, I am thankful for this large family that God has created for me, for the noise and laughter, the chorus of "momma" I hear through the day and the unexpected surprises that he keeps giving me.