Thursday, June 9, 2011

11 years ago my world changed, planets collided and my orbit got a new course. For 9 months my mind was spinning and revolving around this life inside of me. I watched what I ate, measured my growing womb, weiged, read, and prayed. I craved knowledge, I hungered for words on gestation, what my baby looked like every week.

I dreamed of this life living in me and longed to meet him.

Through waves of pain and the unknown out came this comit that took over my world and knocked me off my course.

As I looked into the eyes of this blue-eyed boy with a scalp that was bright orange..I fell, the bottom dropped out of my heart and love overwhelmed me. My heart was celebrating in those early morning hours.

As I tell him this beautiful birth story of Grandmama drving fast in the middle of the night, going through tunnels and over bridges, and past guard gates rushing through the doors because you were coming fast. He smiles because he likes fast and he likes that his grandmama was there.

I tell him of how big his eyes were when he came out, soaking this big world in and we both laugh when I tell him of how Grandmama abadoned my side and never left his, how she questioned everything that was going on.

We talk about the phone call to daddy, how he flew from Florida and how excited daddy was when he walked into the room and joined our celebration.

That day my job occupation became Momma, my orbit was new, it was uncharted by me and I will admit that when I left the hospital the next day... I was scared that I was going to mess up this beautiful life God gave me. I wanted to burrow this new little boy against me and not let the world get ahold of him, I will admit that over protectivness is a badge I have pinned upon me, even when I know I shouldn't it is always there.

At Portsmouth Navel Hospital my course changed forever, I left there with a new goal in life, with a new meaning, and with the one that made me a momma...John Anthony.

The amazing love I felt for this little comet of mine shocked and overwhelmed me.

We are blazing through these years, both of us not really sure what we are supposed to do but learning as we go. Praying and appologizing for the mistakes I make and loving his forgiving and bold spirit more and more everyday.

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