I felt it this year, I felt the effects of a child getting older, time passing by and a need to savor moments and watch more closely the happenings of life. I love birthdays, especially for my children, not just the celebrations but the accomplishment and the reflection of a year gone by that we made it, that we grew, that this year we drew closer to each other, solved problems, and now know each other better. I love watching them grow and never wanting to slow down time, yet revel in it instead.
This year my John boy turned 14, and it hit me walking down an aisle at Wal-Mart, reflecting on what I would have bought him just a few years ago and living in the now of what his gift is. No more character cakes or asking for a theme, just a simple birthday cake and blue plates. The change, hit me, as I was standing in the party aisle revealing that I was one of those crying people in Wal-Mart where floods of emotion are bound to come. I am one of those crying people writing this now.
I can't call my feelings sadness because I love what John is becoming, I love what he stands for and I can't wait to see what he becomes. He has changed this year, physically and emotionally, becoming a young man and seeing some direction for his life. He has moments in the day when he wants to be alone to think and view his life, he shares them with me still and wants my opinions at times. Still seeing him take walks alone, laying in bed listening to music or outside just swinging and thinking make me realize how much he is growing up. How much I have grown up, how much I have changed.
Each year that my kids get older, I realize what I have become, what we have become together.