Today as Joel sat crying in his carseat, hating every moment he was in there, heaving heavy sobbing breaths when I got him out and placed him on my chest, immediatly falling asleep the moment I put him in his carrier. I began to wonder...what is he thinking? I can tell you what Jett is thinking when he fights to get in his carseat, how Jillian and John feel when they ask a hundred times if we are almost there, and the thoughts of Jacob and Julia when they get irritated in the car when we have been in it to long. What is Joel thinking? Into the simple but complex brain of an almost 3 month old who is peaceful when I wear him, happy when I nurse him, and content to nestle into my side at night sleeping soundly.
It sickens my heart, makes my nerves rattle and still stresses me out, even on the 6th child, to hear my children cry. Sure I am better about not showing it, not automatically stopping the car to grab him out at the first sob but bother me it does to hear him in distress. Understanding that he doesn't know the car seat is for his safety or the grocery store is a place we have to visit in order to survive.
That the one thing on his mind when his tummy is full and his bottom is dry, is that he wants to be near me, that the sounds of my body bring comfort to him, the scent of my skin gives him security and the whispers in his ears fill him with love.