We have been cramming all of our favorite things into the last few weeks of summer, feeling like an old friend is leaving and trying to get the most out of it as we can, soaking it in to remember until 9 months has passed and we are at it again.
Like every families' story....tears and heartache trail along behind us until for a season it becomes the black sheep in a flock of beautiful white ones. At times we don't see that black sheep, other moments we see it out of the corner of our eyes, and then there are hours when we are totally focused on it and struggle to avert our eyes off it's color.
We wonder to ourselves how it got in our flock, what brought it here, and as our hearts are breaking we question.... My heart is burdened, hurting for someone I love who is going through pain that I cannot understand. Worry and revenge have consumed me these last two weeks, followed by moments of sadness, heartache, and guilt.
Pray for those who hurt you...this is our command, Be kind and loving to one another, forgiving others as God forgives you in Christ.
I spout these words off many times during the week, expecting my kids to take heed and follow through. A little girl was mean to you, well let's pray for her...."What Momma, you want me to pray for her, I don't even like her, I am planning what to say to her the next time I see her."
I scold and explain how truly amazing Our God is, how he works in mighty ways and following His commands gives us freedom and.....sometimes, we are allowed to see the majestic hand of God work. "Don't you want to see that?" I always ask and more then likely a yes and a heartfelt prayer is followed and their light shines bright.
I feel like my light has been turned off, my heart full of feelings I am not proud of, repeating the same prayer for my loved one and only saying the enemies' name. During those precious times with my Jesus, my eyes aren't focused on Him but on that black sheep, watching it to see what it does and where it is going, and inviting it further into the flock instead of tearing my eyes away and running straight to Jesus.
I am not seeing the beauty of that sheep instead making it the focus of all my anger and questions, when I should be viewing it as a time to get closer to my flock, looking to our Shepherd for guidance and handing the black sheep over to Him.
I am making lists and searching through cookbooks because fall baking starts next month and I have got a houseful of kids ready to tie their apron strings and bring out the wooden spoons. Autumn always has a way of bringing us close together in a different way then summer. As we are hugging our old friend summer as tight as we can, whispering delights in his ear and saying our goodbyes....we can see on the horizon our old faithful friend Autumn waving and smiling, and we are preparing for her arrival.