I kept searching for that girl who in August of last year gave it all to God. The one who said, I don't care about due dates, God is in control and all the control is His. The one who said in March, I am not ready yet, so just wait and the one who in April is screaming NOW, NOW, NOW.
My prayer on Monday, when my heart felt like sinking, when gloom took over, was God just reveal to me why I am waiting. Reveal to me what you are making of me.
Monday morning when I walked into my mid-wife's house, spouting the words "this is a feel sorry for myself kind of day," exactly how I was feeling as I drove the road to her house and walked up her drive. Contemplating mis-marked due dates, posterior babies and hormones that weren't getting released.
Lucy is an amazing lady who comforted, consoled, and reassured, reminding me that God does indeed have a time that this baby boy is supposed to enter the world. I left, with a skip in my step, feeling revived and ready, assuring God that I had indeed learned patience, that I was ready and knew he was in control.
Only to yank back the ropes on Tuesday, feeling frustrated that today still was not the day.
My research and referrals led me to an amazing Dr./lady this week. One who fixed my body (realigned my pelvis) and also helped me emotionally relax myself. Chiropractors ROCK!!! and mine especially does, she not only helped me physically but mentally as well. I left both visits with her on Tuesday and Thursday feeling like she was the key ingredient God was waiting to give me.
Then Yesterday God gave me this to read:
Patience doesn't come naturally. That's why we have the Holy Spirit. He strengthens our resolve to endure without complaint when progress seems sluggish.
After all, God is slow only from a human standpoint. From a divine, eternal prospective, He's always working at the perfect speed.
-Dr. Charles Stanley
The above was previously written Saturday Morning April 28th waiting for me to write the fabulous details of what happens after the waiting is over.
8:00 at night is a time for winding down, tucking in, reading stories and turning out lights, of which none occurred for any Oliver except Jett on the night of April 28th.
As I sat down on the edge of the bed getting into my nightly position of rocking Jett to sleep, an odd sensation happened, a little fluid came out and BANG contractions started. Our wait was over.
Fast and furious they came, with Corey becoming concerned that we didn't have much time and calls needing to be made. Thus causing a chain reaction of text messages coming in, cars being loaded and family and friends getting on the road because of our moment. Details flying out, information gathered signaling the beginning of something BIG, precious and amazing.
**On Thursday, tense and stressed, I walked into the chiropractor's office not able to relax. Before leaving she made me do a mental exercise of imagining my labor going the way I wanted it to be, visualizing it and repeating to myself everytime I got tense, "This is going to be a fast, easy, and safe labor." I left there knowing I wasn't able to control the possibilities of a long, hard labor but worrying about it was only preventing my body from relaxing. **
Repeating my mantra over and over, praying that God would surround us brought me more peace then I have ever felt. Pacing the floor, breathing deep, using the techniques of old, remembering that birth has occurred since Cain, that this is how God intended for it it to occur, equals beauty.
My memory is not clear on time but the moments, the feelings seem so long. People arriving, preparations occurring, and pain happening...Birth was on the agenda, Joel was making his way into the world and we were surrounded by love.
Excitement filled our home, the time before birth when contractions start, adrenaline is flowing, and your body is doing an amazing work that you aren't even controlling...it's fierce, it's magical, it's redeeming. Those defining minutes, those revealing seconds, they expose you, showing what you are made of, where your focus is. Going deep within yourself, mustering up strength and inviting pain to fuel your body to that ultimate goal....
Video by Allison Rupp
at BluClover Films
Joel Aric Oliver was born with a fast (3 hours), easier (thanks to my wonderful friend Emily for telling me to stand), and safe labor. For our 6th child who is healthy, beautiful and whole...for that we are forever thankful.