Then this year I turned 30, where my eyesight became magnifying and my wrinkles got deeper. The spider webs that crinkle out of my eyes began to bother me and the lines in my lips kept drawing my attention until my obsession with face creams and lotions overtook my sanity and our meager pocketbook. Now I am hooked, I apply, I dab, I look and linger, I read everything I can about age reducing, wrinkle disappearing, skin glowing, healthy skin that I can find, I hide my stash in the tallest shelf of the least visited closet in the house where no little fingers can touch it and where I visit it at least 3 times a day.
I am hooked on infomercials where they talk of less sag, more bounce, how to rid yourself of dark circles and fine lines. I watch in amazement as the lady's face changes and have had to pry my ear from the phone many times because the "miracle cream" could work on me. Then as I am slathering my face, feeling slightly guilty with my already growing stash, I wonder where this obsession came from. Does it really have anything to do with age? or my obsessive need to prevent change?
Jacob's job for the week...to teach Julia her New Testament books.
Every Wednesday for a few hours, I go out...alone. I think, I shop, I search, I breath in this life of oneness and every Wednesday as I am out I miss a baby on my hip, a hand holding my clothes, pink loafers on my heels and two red heads leading the way. I miss buying frivolous things, hearing ideas, and buying treats at the check out counter. I always feel that a part of me is missing, the buggy is too empty, the ailse to big and the shopping experience too fast. Every Wednesday as I am pulling into the drive, I have myself convinced this is my last time, I walk up the stairs ready to quit, open the door with the words on the tip of my tongue and am greeted with laughter, chaos and "look Momma, at what we did today." We prayed, we waited and we found this great. christian, young lady that truly blesses our children, she lives close to us, comes from a large family, and was homeschooled as well.
Going back to the time when I didnt have these three hours of escape, even to the first month of a break in the middle of the day, I felt like a brand new mom everytime I came home and the weight of it all on my shoulders was sometimes pressing. Like everything though we sometimes become dulled to the excitement of the every week, calloused to the norm, and as I find myself lingering around a little longer when Katrina arrives and sneaking home earlier then I have too, I still remember the days where I rushed out as soon as she walked in the door and got home right when the clock struck the ending of that 3rd hour.
This is technically our last week before "real school" starts, we have been doing school all summer and started science two weeks ago, so I guess I should say this is the last week before history begins and sweet Julia has to buckle down and do at least one thing a day. Being the 3rd child in a group of 5 is an amazing position which she plays well...there are moments when she decides she is with the big boys and can do it all, other moments when she leans towards the littles and is very limited.
We are preparing for a race this weekend and as always I worry when my boy is out by himself, but he has trained and rode this course many times, and has a protective hand on him. Grandparents are coming and the excitement has started for their arrival. Happy Long Weekend!!!